Over twenty years ago I spent a spring in Paris that changed my life.

I got engaged while I was there, which would be enough on its own. But something quieter happened too. I spent three months watching how people dressed, ate, walked and spent their money, and I came home with an idea that eventually became Your Shop Girl. I just didn’t know it yet.

I’ve been back to Europe many times since. I just got home from two weeks in Zurich, Paris and London, and I want to tell you what I noticed, because it isn’t really about clothes.

Everyone looked like themselves

You know that feeling when you drive down a tree lined street where every house is completely different? Where one is brick and one is painted white and one has a ridiculous door, and somehow the whole street works better because of it?

That is what people watching in Europe felt like.

The women there have a distinct personality, and regardless of their age, they are unapologetic about expressing it. A woman in her seventies in a red coat and gold trainers. A woman in her thirties in a suit her grandmother could have worn. Nobody looked like they were auditioning for a trend, and nobody looked like they were hiding.

Here is what struck me most: they did not look expensive. They looked decided.

That is the difference. A decided woman has figured out what she likes, what suits her, and what she is not going to bother with anymore. Everything in her closet agrees with everything else, so getting dressed takes four minutes.

They buy less, and they buy slower

I did not see a single person in Europe walking down the street eating a sandwich. I also did not see the kind of shopping we do here, where you go out on a Saturday with no particular plan and come home with four things you’ll return.

Shopping there feels more like a decision and less like an activity. You go to the shop for the thing. You try the thing. You think about the thing. Sometimes you go home and come back next week for the thing.

It sounds inconvenient. It is actually the reason their closets work.

When you buy slowly, you buy things that go with what you own, because you had time to remember what you own. When you buy quickly, you buy a mood. Then the mood passes and the item hangs there, quietly making you feel bad, until you finally donate it.

The quality conversation

Here is the part that always makes people uncomfortable, so let’s get it out of the way: buying better does not mean spending more.

It usually means spending the same amount on fewer things.

A woman who buys four thoughtful pieces a season is often spending less per year than a woman who buys fifteen things that don’t go together. She just feels like she’s spending more, because each individual number is bigger.

What Europe reminded me is that the alternative to fast shopping isn’t expensive shopping. It’s intentional shopping. Fewer, better, and chosen on purpose.

What this could mean for Canadian closets

Days into the trip, my husband and I were sitting in our apartment hotel in Zurich with the news on, listening to a speech about Canada building a closer trade relationship with the EU.

I made it about ten minutes before I paused it and said, out loud, to nobody: “Do you know what this could mean for Canadian fashion?”

Reader, he did not.

But think about it. If more European brands became easier to bring into Canada, we would be borrowing from a different role model. Right now our shopping habits are heavily shaped by our neighbours to the south, where the emphasis has been on quantity, speed and discount. A closer link to Europe could pull us toward quality, longevity and design.

And it could go the other way too. Canadian designers are extraordinary and chronically under-seen. A larger audience that genuinely values sustainable, original pieces would be very good news for the people making them here.

It is early days and who knows how any of it shakes out. But I am allowed to daydream about a Canada where “where did you get that?” is answered with a small shop’s name instead of a shipping estimate.

What I’m bringing home

I can’t import a European approach to life by ordering it online. Neither can you. But a few things travel well:

Get decided. Figure out what you actually like, on you, in your real life. Everything gets easier after that.

Buy for the closet you have. The best purchase is one that immediately creates three outfits with things you already own.

Let the trend wait. If you still want it in three weeks, it was never a trend to you. It was just something you liked.

Wear the good stuff. They do not save things for later over there. Neither should you.

Shop the people near you. Our own designers and boutiques are doing beautiful work. You do not need a plane ticket to buy something with a story. Start with my Canadian boutiques guide and see who is in your city.

One more thing

The most European thing I saw had nothing to do with clothing.

It was a woman, probably eighty, sitting alone at a café in the middle of the afternoon with a glass of wine and a book. Not waiting for anyone. Not performing for anyone. Fully dressed, lipstick on, having a nice time by herself on a Tuesday.

That is the whole thing, really. Getting dressed properly is not about impressing anybody. It is about deciding that a regular Tuesday is worth it.

If you want help getting decided, that is exactly what I do. Come see me.